Featured Archive

New York, New York

“Oh, wow. That’s a breast.” It was the first thing I noticed, and I’m pretty sure that’s how it was intended to be. A big, beautiful painting of a wonderfully sexy woman laying on her back, her left tit out there for …

A Beginner’s Guide to Snap Length

Eight seconds is way too long for your typical Snapchat. If your snap is longer than six seconds, you better either be doing the Cat Daddy in a bathing suit or showing off the most majestic sunset mankind has ever witnessed. I …

Vacation, All I Ever Wanted: Part I

February in New York city is depressing. Everyone is in survival mode. There’s no time for pleasantries or casual sex; all of your energy must be conserved for putting one foot ahead of the other, getting to work, solemnly going to the …

The Snowpocalypse

What a dud. I haven’t been that disappointed since I found out last week that Ana Cheri is married. After an entire day of doomsday sirens and emptying bread aisles, the Snowpocalypse came and went with a feeble whimper. I’m going to start …

Home Livin’

For the entire holiday stretch, I’ve been back at my parents house in northern New Jersey, relaxing in a suburban oasis that is shockingly different from my day-to-day existence in Manhattan. Minus the tropical climate and friendly, white-toothed Haitian men leading pool …

The Gym, Part II: Cardio

“Cardio” has a funny connotation these days. Usually, guys think of ways to “get their cardio in”; they play basketball, or toss a football around, or just plain skip it. Me? I’m a basic bitch – I run on the treadmill. I …

Food Shopping

In an effort to offset the 96 straight hours of gluttony that is Thanksgiving Weekend, I decided to go food shopping last night… for the first time in a year and a half. Yes, it’s really been that long. I won’t get …

The Gym: Part 1

For a while now, I’ve been pinning any hope I have of living past the age of 50 on future advances in medicine. “Oh, whatever,” I’ll say, ordering up another round. “In fifteen years, we’ll probably be able to buy a new …